Never Could Have Been Worse
by Chaotic Orchid Angel
Summary: Gaz and Dib try to deal with everything. Chapter Five is up.
1. Prologue

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Never Could Have Been Worse

Rated: R

Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez is a god. I am merely paying homage in my small and insignificant way.

Authors Note: This is my first Invader Zim fic. Funny how I never considered writing one of these before. This chapter will be a trial run, just to see if I like it and if you like it. I have no idea where I'm going with it, all I know is that I adore Gaz and if I were a Zim character in real life, I would be Gir. I guess I have that effect on people. Anyway, onto my story!

NEVER COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

Gaz Membrane stared in silent contemplation at the idiocy of her older brothers' antics. Yet again he was planning another foolhardy attempt to outwit Zim. Even at the age of eighteen, he still had not given up. Zim and Dib had been feuding for the past six years and had no intention of ending it anytime soon. Not that she had cared. While most of the time they were simply an annoyance that she had learned to tune out, sometimes they provided her with unimaginable amusement. Like when they nearly killed each other. Lately, however, nothing amused her. 

She sighed in annoyance when Dib screeched in pain. He had shocked himself while working on something that would no doubt end up broken. 

"AAAHH!!!! GAZ!!! HELP ME!!! MY CLOTHES ARE ON FIRE!!!!!!" 

Rolling her eyes, she stood up from the table and grabbed an emergency fire extinguisher. Aiming for her moronic brother, she fired and soon Dib was nothing but a quivering mass of white foam.

He sighed with relief. "Thanks Gaz."

"Whatever." She turned to leave. He saw her walking away and called out.

"Wait a sec Gaz!" 

"What?" she growled, not bothering to turn around.

Dib noticed her obvious irritation toward him and sighed. She seemed edgier than normal.

"Nothing, nevermind." 

"Whatever." She continued on her way out and went to her bedroom.

Dib watched her go and felt a tug on his heart. Ever since she had turned seventeen she had become even more distant from him. It worried him that she didn't even crack one of her usual biting jibes at him for setting himself on fire. He found himself wondering if she had become suicidal again. That thought chilled him like no other. The last time she had attempted suicide she had nearly succeeded. It happed during the middle of his sophomore year in high skool and her freshman year. It was Iggins of all people who had found her. She was stuffed with sleeping pills and nearly unconscious in the photography lab at SKOOL. It was pure luck he had stumbled onto her. He had snuck out of class to play a new game on his Gameslave 2 and went to the photo lab where he was sure no one would find him. Apparently Gaz had thought the same thing. He tried to wake her up, thinking he could brag about his new game and prove what a better gamer he was compared to her, but when she wouldn't awaken, he panicked and called the paramedics. 

Dib remembered the tears that poured from his eyes on the way to the hospital. He remembered the shock he felt when his father told him that he was in the middle of an experiment and couldn't talk to him at the moment when he called to tell him what had happened. He remembered hearing the sound of Gaz retching and weeping when she awoke and realize she was alive. He held her in his arms and wept silent tears as she cried herself to sleep. He vowed on that day to find out the cause of her depression and never let it get any worse.

The hospital tried to send her to a psychiatric rehabilitation unit but since her father was not there to sign the forms, they had no choice but to send her home. Dib had asked her the reason why she did it and she responded quite simply,

"I was tired."

She never spoke of it again.


	2. Chapter One

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Never Could Have Been Worse

Rated: R

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't want the responsibility.

NEVER COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

Chapter One

It was dark and warm. She was alone. Good. As long as no one was around, she would be safe. Her feeling of security wouldn't last long. The voices were coming. They were soft at first. No more than a whisper. It sounded like the soft caress of a lover whispering in her ear. Soon it became louder and harsher. The whispers turned into screams. They were screaming at her! The shrieks of obscenities and threats permeated her senses. Then it was silent. She fell to the ground, clutching at her head and sighing in relief. Her torment refused to end there. She heard a giggle, followed by a snicker. 

"Stop it," she commanded, but the giggling continued. It was soon followed by full-fledged laughter. It grew to be an unbearable cacophony that rang through her mind.

"Stop it!" she screamed. "Leave me alone!"

It merely continued and she was powerless to stop it. She began to cry and scream out, anything to take her mind away from the laughing.

She screamed a high loud pitch and jolted to consciousness.

A dream. It was only a dream. The same dream that had been haunting her for years. She caught her breath, feeling her heart pound in her chest. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and looked at the clock beside her bed. 3:26 a.m. Only four hours before she had to get up for skool. She sighed and sank back down into the sheets. She closed her eyes but sleep refused to come.

'Another perfect beginning to another perfect day,' she thought.

Dib sat at the table drinking a glass of juice while waiting for his sister to come downstairs. He glanced at the clock. 7:45. They were going to be late for skool. 

"Gaz! What are you doing, we're going to be late! I have to get there before Zim does!"

"Be Quiet!" she screeched from upstairs. "I'm on my way down."

Satisfied, he returned to his breakfast. He heard a growl behind him and turned around.

"Are you ready?" Gaz asked impatiently. Dib took a moment to look over her choice of attire.

"You're wearing that to skool?' he asked dubiously.

"What's wrong with it?" she countered.

"It's just that… well…" he dropped off. She was wearing a black dress. Not her usual black jumper with her black overcoat but a real black dress. A very tight black dress that left nothing to the imagination. Over the years, Gaz had grown to be an exceptionally beautiful young woman. She had grown taller and her flesh had rounded out into lovely curves. She had let her violet hair grow and it just touched the middle of her back. With her pale, unblemished skin, she was a knockout.

Seeing that Dib was at a loss of words, she used it to her advantage and walked out the door, grabbing her black overcoat on the way. 

During the car ride to skool, Dib asked her once more. "Why are you dressed like that?'

She looked out the window. "Since when do you care what I wear?"

Dib was surprised at her tone. She was quiet, and her voice held none of the rancor she usually spoke with.

"I don't," he defended. "It's just a not what I'm used to see you wearing."

"This may come as a surprise Dib, but people can change without your permission. I doesn't mean that we're all aliens."

He frowned. Something still wasn't right. He was silent for a short while.

"You look nice Gaz."

"Whatever."

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence.

Gaz sat in her classroom, bored out of her mind. As her teacher droned on about polyalgorithmic equations, she let her mind wander. She was trying to appear oblivious to the stares her classmates gave her and oblivious to the whispers they made.

"Why is she dressed like that today?"

"I dunno, maybe she's embracing her inner slut." 

"I think she looks kinda nice, in a gothic dominatrix bitch sort of way."

"Heh heh, I always knew you had a thing for her!"

"Hell no, the only thing I would want to do with her is fuck. I'll bet she's great at it!"

"Sure, right before she bites your dick off and sucks your blood." 

"Yeesh, that's one way to kill a good fantasy… I dunno, maybe you're right. She's just a whore that spreads disease. She's a freak and she'll always be a freak. "

"Dude! Shut up, Mr. Faust is looking straight at us!"

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes but refused to let them fall. She could handle the pain. She had handled it her entire life. Soon it wouldn't matter. Soon they would be nothing, just like she was to them.

The bell rang signaling the end of the period and the start of lunch. She made her way to her locker and grabbed her lunch bag. She walked to the cafeteria alone and sat at what had been designated 'her table'. It was in the back, away from the rest of the students in a dark corner. She pulled out her sandwich and began to eat when she heard the chair next to her squeak. She looked up to see Dib munching on a muffin, watching Zim from the corner of his eye.

"You aren't going to throw that at him again are you? Because if you are, I will disown you." She muttered.

"He's up to something, I know it!"

"He's always up to something, but you're too stupid to realize that he's too stupid to pull it off. You make me sick sometimes!"

"There's the Gaz I know and love!" he cried out loudly, forcing the entire student population to turn and stare at them.

Gaz 's eyes nearly popped from their sockets when he wrapped his arms around her in a giant hug.

"GET OFF ME!!!!" 

The rest of the students shrugged and returned to their food. Typical day at skool.

After lunch, Dib went to his astronomy class and made a fool out of himself, while Gaz had gym. Of all the classes she hated, this one held the majority of her contempt. She changed her clothes into the regulation gym uniform. She walked into the gym and saw that the Harpy Squad had arrived before her.

Ms. Sours, the gym teacher came in and began to shout out instructions.

"Today we will begin the great sport of basketball. I'm sure many of you will try your hardest… not to break your nails. Now, I will appoint team captains and from then, the captains will choose the rest of the team."

Needless to say, the two most popular girls made team captains and elected their best friends for the team. Gaz was left to sit on the bench. Not that she cared. Who in their right mind would engage in a physical activity with those harpies? She watched as they fumbled around and smirked when one of them would fall after being checked. Maybe this class wasn't too bad.

"Membrane, get on the court!" Ms. Sours called.

Spoke too soon.

The harpies giggled as Gaz made her way to the court. She was chosen to face off with the queen of the harpies, Zeeta. 

Zeeta was actually decent at basketball, this might prove to be a challenge.

The ball was tossed and the girls jumped to catch it. Gaz made contact first and tossed to ball to the nearest girl who was open. She happened to be Zeeta's best friend and she couldn't catch to save her life. The ball smacked her in the face and immediately, all hell broke loose.

The girl started to scream in pain and clutched at her nose protectively. The other girls rushed to her side and began to fawn over her. Zeeta turned to Gaz and began to tear into her.

"Gaz you freaky bitch! You did that on purpose! If you broke her nose I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Gaz gave her The Look. Zeeta quivered a bit and went back to her friend.

Ms. Sours ran over to check the scene. 

"Leena, the purpose of basketball is to catch the ball with your hands. Go get some ice and get out. Everyone else, hit the showers!"

"Ms. Sours, aren't you going to reprimand Gaz?" Zeeta whined.

"That is none of your concern Zeeta, now hit the showers!"

She walked away, not before sending a nasty look to Gaz on her way out. Gaz shrugged and went to get her things. When she arrived in the locker room, she found all of her things sprawled in a pile outside her locker. The girls around her ignored her but carried self-satisfied looks on their faces. Gaz picked up her things and proceeded to get dressed.

The rest of her day when on without a hitch, just the normal taunts and hisses made in her direction. The only real difference was the attention she received from the boys. They all stared at her as if they had never seen a woman with breasts before. The shock on their faces was almost worth all the teasing that she had received earlier. Not that she cared of course. She dressed for herself and no one else. The last bell of the day rang and she gathered her books and went outside to meet Dib. With the horrors of skool set to a halt, the horrors of home were about to begin.


	3. Chapter Two

Never Could Have Been Worse

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Rated: R

Disclaimer: I asked Jhonen to marry me and he said no. Then I asked for the rights for Invader Zim and he went JTHM on me. I barely made it out alive. I also tried to buy Dance Dance Revolution but Konami would not let me have it as well… Bastards.

Chapter Two

Dib frowned in annoyance as the stomping above him continued. Ever since Gaz bought Dance Dance Revolution for GS2, she wouldn't quit playing. She would play at all hours of the night. It had become an obsession with her. Beat the Game. It made perfect sense. It was a game, and all games were made to be beaten, no matter what the cost. At least that was the dogma Gaz followed.

Still, it got very annoying, especially when he was studying the new surveillance feed from the cameras he had placed in Zim's house.

"Damnit Gaz, I'm trying to work down here! Could you stomp a little lighter?" he yelled up to her room.

His response was an increase in the music and even louder stomping.

"She's such a brat sometimes," he muttered to himself.

Meanwhile, in her room, Gaz tried to max herself out on DDR. She had just mastered the heavy mode and was now trying to master double pads. Heavy mode was a challenge in itself, but a beginner on double pads was suicide. Especially when she was dancing to Paranoia 290 Survivor. 

She felt ready to collapse. Sweat poured off her body in what felt like gallons. Her legs had long gone from cramping to numbness. She was thirsty and she could barely breathe. While her body was screaming for her to stop, her mind would not give up. She would beat this game! She could prove her worth in something damnit! She slipped on the pad and missed another step. The music stopped and the screen flashed in big bold letters, **FAILED**. She tried to start another game and her body collapsed on the floor, exhausted. Her breath came out in quick pants. She looked at the clock and smiled. 9:48 p.m. This was the longest she had ever lasted so far. She had played DDR for five hours straight. Her smile grew wider but then she winced in pain. Her head was killing her! She tried to stand up to get some water but her legs refused to move. She tried again and toppled over on her back. Darkness clouded her vision and she was silent.

When she woke, she was lying in her bed, still wearing her work out clothes. The clock beside her said 12:04 a.m. Dib was sitting beside her. 

'Hey, you're awake," he said softly.

"What happened?" she asked groggily. Dib gave her a crooked smile. "You passed out after playing DDR. No wonder, you played for five hours without drinking water or eating anything since lunch. You were dehydrated. I put you on an emergency saline drip just to re-hydrate you. Gee Gaz, I've seen some pretty stupid things in my life, but I've never seen someone nearly kill themselves while playing Dance Dance Revolution," he finished dryly.

"Bite me Dib. At least I use my time doing something productive," she said.

"Oh yeah, dancing like a manic in front of multi-colored arrows to annoying music is really a productive way to spend your time."

"Yes actually, it is."

"…"

"Now, if you're done lecturing me on the hazards of DDR, I'm going to take a shower and go back to bed." She swung her legs out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. 

"I was just making sure you were okay, no need to get testy about it!" he yelled. The sound of water running was his only response.

Gaz returned to her room feeling refreshed and… hungry. She went downstairs to the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator.

"Dib drank the last soda! **He** **will** **pay**!" she growled and made a sandwich. 

She sat in the dark kitchen, eating in peace and quiet, allowing her eyes to wander along the familiar sights. She caught gaze of a family picture taken years ago. She was only five years old, standing with her father and brother. The picture was quite amusing to any other person. She had a huge pink bow in her hair and a frown on her face, while Dib stood beside her, gazing at the sky with skepticism all over his face. Their father stood behind them, holding a bubbling test tube with a brilliant smile on his face. 

She sighed as she looked at the photograph. Things were so much simpler then. Her father was home more often, Dib wasn't as crazy and she… she didn't feel the self-loathing she felt now. She didn't feel isolated from the world. She felt something warm and wet touch her hand and she realized she was crying. She cursed herself for being weak and tried to stop the tears from falling, a futile attempt.

She pushed the rest of her sandwich away, her appetite the last thing on her mind, and buried her face in her arms. She fell asleep at the table, her physical and mental exhaustion catching up with her one last time.


	4. Chapter Three

Never Could Have Been Worse

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Rated: R

Disclaimer: After my traumatic event with Jhonen, I have decided never to write Zim stories again… that's a big 'ole fat lie in'it? He still owns it and I am still very poor.

Author's Note: I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this. I know what I want, I just have no idea where I want it to go, ya know?

Chapter Three

Gaz was awakened the next morning by Dib tapping her on the head.

"Did you sleep here all night?" Dib asked. Gaz stretched her muscles, wincing at the pain that shot through her neck. She reached her hand up to rub away the pain.

"Yeah, I guess I was really tired," she murmured. "What time is it?"

Dib glanced at the microwave clock. "It's a little after seven. You have time to take a quick shower to relax your neck."

She covered her eyes to shield them from the morning sunlight. "No, that's okay, I'll just take some ibuprofen." She stood and stretched. "By the way, thanks for helping me out last night, I guess you do have your uses."

He smiled. That was a bonafide Gaz compliment. 50 percent compliment, 50 percent insult. 

She rubbed the back of her neck in annoyance. Why the hell did she have to fall asleep like that? She searched through her closet for an outfit to wear for skool. She didn't feel like her usual jumper and she enjoyed wearing the dress to skool, despite the nasty comments. She found a pair of boot cut black jeans and a black top. The top was tight and had a high cut that would bare her stomach, showing off her perfectly toned abs and skull belly ring. The sleeves were long which gave it a nice offset to the rest of her uncovered body. She topped off the look with her long purple trenchcoat. She had no idea where these clothes had come from, but she was glad she had them. 

"Maybe they were a gift from someone." She said to herself.

She ran a brush through her hair and ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth and take something for the pain. Afterward she ran downstairs to find Dib waiting for her.

"Wow Gaz, you look really nice again! Someone you're trying to impress at skool?" he teased.

She looked at him in pure disgust.

"Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to our skool? I knew you were dumb, but this extends beyond all measures!"

Dib gave her a moronic look. "I'm not dumb."

She merely smiled her little condescending little smile.

"Keep telling yourself that."

They rode to skool in silence again. Gaz reached over and turned on the radio. Dib tried to switch it to his favorite station that had a program on paranormal activity. One look from Gaz and he relinquished the knob. She popped in a CD, and the strains of Radiohead's "Paranoid Android" filled the car.

"Come on Gaz, I can't listen to this depressing weird crap so early in the morning! It's…depressing."

"Give me one of my simple pleasures before I enter the depths of Hell once again," she replied.

"Gaz it's not that bad. I know you're bored in class, but hey, sometimes it sucks to be smart! I know that I pass the time by…" he trailed on, but she had tuned him out. Her mind was drifting to the music. She let the lyrics carry her away to a place where only she existed. She felt tears well in her eyes and she tried to flush them out again. Why the hell was she so emotional all of a sudden? Why was she prone to cry at every little thing? She squeezed her eyes shut and calmed herself before Dib could notice. She took a deep breath and choked when she heard Dib say,

"Dad called last night and said he was coming home tonight."

She blinked and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked incredulously.

Dib turned to look at her. "I said that Dad is coming home tonight."

"That's what I thought you said."

Dib looked at her again. Something was wrong; her eyes were red, like she had been crying. He wanted to say something but he knew she would just lash out at him. Inside, he felt like he was dying. What was wrong with her? He prayed that she would be okay. Maybe this time Dad would stay and things would be okay again. They had both reached a point where they needed him the most in their lives, and when he wasn't there, they took the loss hard, especially Gaz. She was a girl on the cusp of womanhood without a mother or a father figure. Dib saw his father a bit more often than she did, only because he had to bug him over his paranormal research. 

He remembered the time when Gaz nearly went insane trying to find him when he left during the annual Family Night Out. Their father took two hours off once a year to spend time with his children. He allowed them to choose their favorite restaurant and they would go and have a good time. One year, Gaz picked the restaurant but Dib was not at home to go. He had been kidnapped by Zim and taken to his space station. When Gaz suggested going without him, her father protested and told her that they would have to put if off till the next year if they didn't go that night with Dib. Gaz immediately rescued Dib and off to Bloatie's Pizza Hog they went. 

Dib chuckled to himself. Gaz was not afraid of taking what she wanted. It seemed like she wasn't afraid of anything. Time seemed to change that. She still had her take-no-prisoners attitude, but she had become withdrawn. He hoped it was only a symptom of adolescence and girl hormones, and nothing serious, but he knew that it was so much more than that. There were times where she looked like she was about to shrivel up and die and he just wanted to hold her and let her know that it would be all right. He cursed himself for his cowardice. If he were a good older brother, he'd have taken better care of her, he would have never let her suffer.

His thoughts came to an end when he pulled into the skool parking lot.

Why was the skoolday so frickin' long? Gaz was ready to lose her mind. She ignored the usual taunts and told Zeeta and her Harpy squad to go fuck themselves when they tried to gang up on her. The harpies actually had the nerve to think they could accost her and then ran away like dogs when she glared at them. Zim tried to talk to her today about something stupid concerning her brother. Actually, it was more like he cursed the entire human race and her brother along with it. She half agreed with him. If there was a bigger misanthrope than she, it was Zim and for that, she respected him. The rest of the time, he was a bigger moron than her brother. 

By the time three o'clock rolled by, she was squirming in agony. Inwardly of course. She raced outside to the car, praying that Dib was already there. She waited impatiently when she saw that he wasn't.

"Dib, where the hell are you? I want to go home now!" She yelled out loud.

"Talking to yourself, little Gaz? You're just as crazy as your brother," an oily voice sneered.

"Where is Dib, Zim?" she ground out angrily.

"Ha! Perhaps he has finally gotten what was coming to him and disappeared off the face of this stinking planet!" he laughed arrogantly.

Gaz looked down at the little green boy-thing. In all her years of knowing him, he had not grown a single inch. She now towered over him menacingly.

"I'll ask you one more time, where is Dib?"

"I am not his keeper, stink-child! I am Zim!" And with that, he ran away.

"You're an idiot." She turned and began to walk home.

When Gaz arrived home, she had the shock of her life. Her father was actually home, just like he said he would be. He had kept his promise! It took every ounce of self-control not to run screaming 'Daddy!' and throw her arms around him. She couldn't and she wouldn't. It's not like he'd appreciate it either. 

"Hey Dad," she said casually as she strolled through the front door.

"Hello Gaz. How was your day at skool?" he replied, not even bothering to look up at her. She noticed and seethed. 

"Fine." Not as if he would even know or care. When did he stop caring? Did he even care to begin with?

He tinkered with some little techno gadget and spoke again.

"Where's your brother? I was going to take the two of you out. It's…"

"The Annual Family Night Out," she finished for him. "Yeah, I know. I have no idea where he is. He was supposed to meet me after skool. He probably got ran over or something bad, I don't know," she muttered.

"That's nice," her father replied absently. "I just hope he gets here soon, I can't stay very long."

Gaz stared at him in shock. "But… you just got here! And you're leaving again so soon?" She felt her heart clench in pain. Sure, she had some resentment against him but that didn't mean she wanted him to leave again!

She started to voice her protest when Dib came through the door.

"Gaz, where were you? I looked everywhere for you," he whined.

She rolled her eyes. She didn't even bother to say anything. It wasn't worth the energy.

Dib then noticed his father standing nearby and frowned.

"Hi Dad, nice of you to come home for once," he said darkly.

The Professor took no heed of his son's dark tone. "Thank you son. I was just telling your sister that I won't be staying very long again. I just wanted to see you two and take you out for our Family Night Out." 

The two siblings glanced at each other. Gaz shook her head. There was no use in hoping for him to change, none at all. 

"Now, whose turn was it to pick the restaurant?" he asked.

Dib looked at Gaz. "It doesn't matter to me," he claimed.

"Me either," she said.

"Okay, I'll choose," the good doctor declared.

The atmosphere at dinner was tense, to say the least. Professor Membrane took them to a ritzy Japanese steakhouse and sushi bar. In-between courses, they tried to strike up conversations. They stuck to light subjects, mainly Dib's insanity and obsession with Zim, and the new games Gaz was playing on her GS2. It was mindless and inane, and completely agonizing. 

At one point, the professor asked Gaz a serious question.

"How have you been lately? I know you don't have many friends at skool and don't participate in anything. Are you coping well?"

She nearly choked on her unagi roll. She swallowed hard and looked up at her father. Her mind was reeling. Was he really showing concern for her well being? A part of her was dying to tell him everything. About the isolation and the loathing. About the horrible things she did to herself to stop the pain, which in turn increased it. She stared into his eyes and said the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm fine."

As the professor made his final calculations on a project, Dib watched his sister in silent contemplation. She sat on the living room sofa, watching an old vampire movie. Her facial expressions were blank, but her eyes were filled with emotion. He was about to say something to her when his wrist communicator alarm beeped. His thoughts suddenly switched to those of a "paranormal investigator".

"Aha! I knew it! Zim is playing with temporal mechanics again! I'm gonna go stop him, we all remember what happened the last time he did this!"

He ran out the door into the dark night, without saying one word to Gaz or his father.

Gaz heard his little outburst and ignored him. Stupid boy. She returned to the movie but her thoughts were far from it. She thought of her father, and wondered if he would even care if she told him how upset she was. She fought with the idea of getting up to go talk to him. Her emotions won over her pride for once and she made her way to his laboratory. She knocked on the door and let herself in, not bothering to wait for his answer.

"Dad, I…"

"Oh Gaz, I'm glad you came down here, I wanted to tell you goodbye before I left."

She sighed. No way was she going to say anything now.

"How long will you be gone for this time?" she asked softly, her eyes cast down at the floor.

"A few months or so, but I'll call you every time I get the chance and I'll be home in time for graduation." 

Gaz knew her voice would betray her emotions if she spoke, so she simply nodded her head.

"Good. Well then, I'll see you later. Tell Dib I said goodbye and be good."

She nodded again, refusing to look at him. She heard the door close and she stood in silence, her body tensed as if it were made of stone. A few moments later, she left the lab and went upstairs to her room.

"…stupid idiot robot. I hate that thing!" Dib exclaimed as he walked back to his house. It turned out that Zim was playing around with a temporal field again. And when Dib tried to interfere, GIR, the insane SIR, had a lapse in his insanity and jumped into defensive mode. Fortunately, it only lasted for about thirty seconds and then he started running around screaming something about chickens and taquitos. He then ran into Zim's temporal core and destroyed the whole thing, not without singeing Dib's clothes and destroying his camera. 

He had an extra camera, but he had let Gaz borrow it. He knew she would make a fuss about giving it up, it was a very nice camera. He prepared himself for the upcoming argument and opened the door to a… very dark house.

"Dad? Gaz?" he called out in the darkness. He could hear music coming from upstairs. It was coming from Gaz's room.

He ran up the stairs. The music was deafening. She was listening to Portishead. God, she only listened to that when she was really depressed. He banged on the door to her room and when she didn't answer, he threw open the door.

She had just lowered a straightedge razor to her wrists.

"GAZ! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?" 

He raced over to her before she could press down and pulled her hand away from her wrist. She shrieked in protest.

"Get the hell off me Dib! Leave me alone!"

"NO!"

"LET GO!"

"NO!"

She struggled in his grasp, trying to reach the blade. She was crying. The way she was fighting him, she was going to end up cutting them both. Dib knew he had to calm her before she did some serious damage. She was strong and starting to break free of his grasp. He tried talking to her.

"Gaz, please calm down, you're gonna hurt yourself!"

"That's the idea moron!"

"You don't want to do this!"

"Yes I do, I hate this! I hate people! I hate Dad and I hate you! No one cares, no one ever cares!"

"That's not true Gaz! I care about you!"

"Shut up!"

"It's true Gaz! I do care! I love you!"

"I said shut up!"

She struggled even more. The blade had slipped from her grip somewhat and was now pointing toward her skin even more. She managed to nick herself again and Dib knew he had to do something to stop her, so he did the first thing that came to mind.

He kissed her.


	5. Chapter Four

Never Could Have Been Worse

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Rated: R

Disclaimer: J.V. hates me. He gives me nothing.

Author's Note: I am in desperate need of a beta reader! Anyone who wants the job should email me. Please!

BTW: I apologize for making this chapter so short. I get my inspiration at ungodly hours and it's starting to catch up with me. Tired eyed do not good proofreaders make. (One reason why I need a beta!)

Chapter Four

Dib awoke the next morning with his little sister in his arms. As the sunlight streamed through the bedroom curtains, he reflected on the previous nights' events. She tried to kill herself. Again. The first time was bad enough, but this time he watched her try to slice her wrist open. If he hadn't arrived when he did, she would have succeeded. 

She sighed softly and twisted to get comfortable. She looked so peaceful at the moment, sleep erasing the torments she endured during consciousness. He gently moved a piece of hair that shifted onto her face out of the way.

Gaz had fought tooth and nail for control of that razor. She had succeeded in cutting a bit of her skin while she fought him and in an effort to make her stop, he followed the first thing that came to his mind and kissed her. To say she was stunned was putting it mildly. She ceased her grappling and stood completely still. When he released her lips, she looked at him uncertainly and collapsed in his arms, sobbing so piteously he thought the whole world hear her pain. He buried his face in her violet hair and squeezed her tightly. For the second time in her life, she cried herself to sleep in his arms. 

He resolved that he would not get away without talking to him this time. She would talk to him and if needed, he would find her a good psychiatrist. He needed to call his father to let him know what happened and he would make him listen. But for now, he would hold her. The sound of her rhythmic breathing was like a lullaby and he drifted back to sleep.

Gaz slowly opened her eyes. Something was holding her in place. Her first instinct was to fight off whatever the intruder was, but then she remembered what it was. More specifically, who it was. She calmed down and relaxed into her brother's embrace. She could feel his breath on her neck coming down in long relaxed breaths. He was still sleeping. She didn't want to wake him. 

Her eyes surveyed the surroundings. They were still in her room, sleeping on her bed. She took a moment to spread her gaze. She loved her room. Her safehaven from the world. She redecorated it when she was sixteen. The walls were painted a dark shade of lavender, and she hung gauzy black curtains over her windows. Her desk was in the corner by her closet and her t.v. was faced directly across her bed. Her bed. The crowning glory of her room. It was a beautiful black wrought-iron canopy bed from which she draped black and violet gauze curtains around. Her bed was her favorite place in the whole world. Not only was it beautiful, it was also very comfortable. She felt at peace in this room. She had originally intended to kill herself in this room for her first attempt. Her plans did not go as she expected. 

She had planned on taking an overdose of sleeping medication in her bed the night before skool. When she went to the bathroom and opened the bottle, she tripped on the rug and spilled all the contents into the sink. The sink that was running water to fill her water glass. To say she was disappointed was an understatement. The next morning before skool, she stopped at the drugstore and bought a new bottle. She planned to do it again that night at home. The rest of the day proved to be tedious and with all the negative emotions and thoughts racing through her head, she decided to kill herself right there on skool grounds. Her plan failed once again. She was discovered and taken to the hospital. 

Her relationship with her father was the straw that broke the camel's back. Though her early childhood, he had been around for her and Dib. Their mother had died shortly after Gaz's birth and they had no other family. By the time they had reached middle skool, their father had grown distant. He became the most esteemed scientist on the planet and his work sent him off to distant places, hardly giving him time to see his children. When they entered high skool, his relationship with them was almost non-existent. He still didn't know she had tried to kill herself. Coming to terms with the truth, Gaz realized that she still loved her father, but she would never be able to forgive him.

She had manage to convince Dib that she would be okay from then on. She tried convincing herself that she was fine, but deep down, she knew the truth. She hated life. She believed that there was no reason for her to live. Every day she felt the pain of living. It didn't help that she was a teenaged girl in high skool, spending the majority of her time with people who didn't give a flying fuck about her. She tried to fight her pain by fighting the world. Her misanthropic views on life and her "who gives a fuck" attitude was her arsenal. She fought long and hard and now she was sick of it. She wanted peace and she found peace in death. 

She felt tears roll down her cheek and made no attempt to stop them this time. There was just no fucking point. She buried her face the pillow next to her and sobbed.

Dib woke at the sound of her crying. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let her cry. She needed to let it out. She had been holding all her emotions in for so long, it was no wonder she had snapped. He would let her cry until there were no more tears left in her tear ducts. After all, she was only human.

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	6. Chapter Five

Never Could Have Been Worse

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Rated: R

Disclaimer: I still don't own it and I don't want it! (Whines like Tallest Purple: I don't like it!) 

Author's Note: Still makin' do without a beta. Sighs. If it sucks, it's not my fault! Well, okay it is. Sorry.

Chapter Five

Swirls of steam drifted from the cup of cocoa. She blew a puff of air into the liquid, hoping to cool it down. She was stalling. Dib sat across from her, waiting patiently and expectantly. She sighed. Might as well get over with. 

"Where do want me to start," she asked, refusing to meet his gaze.

"How about from the beginning," he replied.

They didn't leave the table for two hours.

"I can't believe I told you all that," she whispered. She felt so exposed.

Dib reached over and took her hand into his. "I'm glad you did."

She flinched a bit when he took her hand. She wasn't used to all the physical contact she had been receiving over the past twelve hours. It wasn't bad, just a little strange. She usually shied away from any touches she received. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. It wasn't working.

"I feel… I don't know what I feel!" she said. "I feel weak and I hate that! I want to go out and hit something but at the same time I just want to curl up and cry, and that makes me even angrier! I don't cry!" she exclaimed.

She snatched her hand back and jumped up to begin pacing the kitchen.

"I don't understand any of this and its driving me crazy! What the fuck is wrong with me?" she cried.

He didn't know what to say. He tried to approach her.

"Don't come near me!" she hissed. She was getting that wild look in her eyes again.

He reached out for her.

"Don't fucking touch me Dib!"

"It's not your fault Gaz," he said quietly. She snarled at him.

"Leave me alone! I don't want your help!"

"It is not your fault," he repeated. She was near breaking point again. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Not again! No more tears!" she screamed.

"Gaz…" he tried to speak.

"Shut up Dib! I hate you! I fucking hate you! I told you everything and now look how weak I've become! I hate you!" Tears were falling down her cheeks in rivers. "You say you care but do you really? I bet you're just waiting for this to end so you can go back to playing 'Paranormal Investigator'. Fine, go. Go play with Zim and forget about me. Everyone else does! Fuck it! I don't fucking care anymore!" 

She screamed and fell to the floor in a heap. She flinched when Dib cautiously put his hand on her back. When she didn't attempt to remove it, he rubbed her back soothingly, like he did when they were small and she had a bad tummy ache. 

She slowly lifted her head and whispered in a low voice, "I'm sorry Dib."

"I know."

She faced him and for the first time looked him straight in the eye.

"When did you get to be so smart?"

He gave a small chuckle. "About twelve hours ago."

She reached out and hugged him. "Thanks Dib."

"You're welcome. And you're wrong. Like I told you last night, I do care about you. I care because I love you. I know that most of the time I am not the ideal brother and I act like an idiot but I do love you Gaz. You're my baby sister, how could I not love you?"

"Most of the time?" she teased.

He smiled and squeezed her tighter. "I'll say it as many times as I need to in order for you to understand how much I mean it."

"Just not in public, then I really would disown you Dib."

They held each other for awhile contentedly.

"We're going to have to call Dad. He really needs to know about this Gaz," Dib said.

"I don't want to," she stated. Dib inwardly sighed. He knew she would fight about this.

"He needs to be told. Despite his faults, he is still our father. Besides, if we decide to send you to a hospital," her eyes widened at that," we need him to sign you in. You aren't eighteen yet and I'm not your legal guardian."

She broke away from his grasp. "You would send me away?" she asked, unbelieving of what he had just told her.

This could get very tedious. "Gaz, you need help. This is serious. You tried to kill yourself again. You're experiencing something to strong for you to handle. You need to be somewhere where you can learn how to overcome it. You need to be in a place where qualified people can help you. It's for your own good!"

"Who are you to call me crazy?" she asked. She stood in front of the window, staring at the outside world go about its business, oblivious to her pain.

"I'm not saying you're crazy. I'm saying that you are depressed. It's not insanity. You won't go to the Crazy House for Girls and you won't be locked away for the rest of your life. I can guarantee three days. A week tops." He stared at her figure in the window. She looked so tiny and fragile at the moment. He was amazed at her strength, but he knew she wouldn't last very much longer.

"Trust me Gaz. I've never lied to you, not about anything important. I wouldn't lie to you about this," he pleaded with her.

"You lied about Bitey the Vampire. He was my favorite stuffed vampire."

He smiled in spite of himself. He knew she would bring that up.

"Please Gaz? Let's not worry about hospitals right now and just call Dad. I'll make him listen this time, I swear."

He heard her sigh of defeat. "Fine. Call him. I have nothing to say to him at the moment. If he wants to talk to me, he can do it in person, not on a video monitor. And you can tell him I said that."

"Thank you Gaz." He reached for the phone and dialed the memorized number. He breathed in a sigh of relief when he heard his father's voice.

"Dad, I need to tell you something, and it's really important that you listen. Gaz needs help…"

Gaz narrowed her eyes in disgust. She walked out of the kitchen and went back to her bedroom. She curled up on her bed and clutched her second favorite stuffed animal, Ebony Werewolf. She could hear Dib talking to her father from up there. She clutched Ebony tighter. What if he did come home? What would he say? For the first time, Gaz was afraid of her father. She was terrified because she knew that his final actions would be the ones that would either save her or destroy her. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Dib walk in.

"Gaz?" he called out. She jumped, startled by the sound of his voice.

"What did he say?" she asked reluctantly. He sat down beside her.

"He'll be home in a week," he replied quietly. 

"Wow," Gaz snorted, "a week. He sure is dropping everything to rush to my aid," she finished bitterly.

Dib only nodded. "At least he's coming."

Gaz flung her head back on her pillow. "So what now?"

"Now I call skool and tell them that we won't be in for a week. I'll say that we've caught the flu or something."

She looked at him strangely. "Why?"

He met her gaze and said, "So I can take care of you."

She felt the love in his words and gave him a watery smile.

" …I…" she struggled to say the right words. Her emotions were on overload so she said the first and easiest thing that came to mind.

"I love you Dib."

I am not turning Gaz into a big softie freak. She is still the badass we all know and love; she's just having an emotional breakdown. She will rise again!


End file.
